So beautiful

It wasn't a pleasant day, lots of trouble, lots of unhappiness. Today I finally spent some time at the beach, I sat on the breakwater, it was extremely windy, so cooling! It took my troubles away. The sunset was so beautiful. Everything was perfect, except that you are not here.

I miss you...

I thought....

I thought I have chosen the right path to move forward...
I thought I am strong enough to face the problem...
I thought I have enough appointments to occupy my time...
I thought I am a happy go lucky guy...
I thought I have cover up myself to play hard and work hard...
I thought I can easily find a shoulder to lean on...
I thought by eating a lot of chocolates can make me happier...
I think I feel worse now...
I think I cannot control my moods anymore...
I afraid I will go into depression anytime...
I wish I will not wake up tomorrow...
And forever....

我怀念的

控制不了自己的举动
阻止不了自己的想法
总是在夜晚时会更寂寞
为什么脆弱时候想你更多
好多好多话想对你说
你是否有想起我
如果有，你会想起什么

New Chapter in life

What should be my next step?

I am taking a vacation from my relationship

War Ended: 17 Oct 2007, 13:08hrs

Peace Treaty: Signed

No. of Casualty: Zero

Leave Application: Approved

Length of Leave Applied: Unknown

Should I believe? It does seem true...

Capricorn: Patience, patience, patience. Yes, it's not fun, but you're going to have to deal with a lot of waiting in the next few days. It'll be worth it.

Chinese Horoscope, Tiger: Love could give you some headaches, as small disagreements escalate into epic battles.

Goodbye...

It is time to let go...

It is time for a short retreat, some soul searching or whatsoever...

See you guys maybe a month or later...

Take care...

24 hours of silence

...............
...............
...............
...............

Cold war

We have not contacted each other for 12 hours already.

I am not angry with you for nothing. If knowing that I do not like it, why do you still do it? Let's switch the role and see how you would feel in my position.

I HATE weekends....

sooooooooo much!!!!!

A Broken Wing

She loved him like he was
The last man on Earth
Gave him everything she ever had
He'd break her spirit down
Then come lovin' up to her
Give a little, then take it back

She'd tell him about her dreams
He'd just shoot 'em down
Lord he loved to make her cry
"You're crazy for believin'
You'll ever leave the ground"
He said, "Only angels know how to fly"

CHORUS
And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

One Sunday morning
She didn't go to church
He wondered why she didn't leave
He went up to the bedroom
Found a note by the window
With the curtains blowin' in the breeze

REPEAT CHORUS
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

Forever Love

I know that the lyrics in this song is what we have always been trying to do all this while.


o~~~

爱你
不是因为你的美和影
我越来越爱你 每个眼神触动我的心
因为你让我看见forever 才了解自己
未来这些日子要好好珍惜

爱我
有些痛苦有些不公平
如果真的爱我不是理所当然的决定
感到你的呼吸在我耳边像微风深情
温柔的安抚 我的不安定
所以我要
每年研究你的笑容
wo~~多么自然

forever love forever love
我只想用我这一辈子去爱你
从今以后 你会是所有
幸福的理由

爱情
是场最美最远的旅行
沿途遇经泥泞
偶尔阻碍我们的前进
感到你的体温在我怀里像阳光和煦
巧妙的熔化
我的不安定
不可思议
证明我爱你的理由
wo
多么自然
你感动的眼睛
我沉默的声音
仿佛就是最好的证明
就让我再说一次
I love you ~~
直到永远
oh forever love
forever love
forever love

Life Lesson

别人是笑里藏刀
我确是笑里藏伤

已经学会如何在心里哭泣
又或者说是“笑着流泪”

人生太戏剧性了， 如果不是亲身体验，
也未必能体会出歌曲里说描诉的心情


忘了为什么想痛哭一场
你给的理由听来都牵强
说服不了我只好继续假装
眼底没有泪光
几乎要承认对感情失望
但你一靠近又想要原谅
伤心的话语都往心里面藏
受不了也不讲
我笑着流泪就怕夜色太漫长
必须面对失去你的凄凉
温柔已经让我受了伤
多痛一点又何妨
我笑着流泪把快乐留在脸上
不让你看到谁变的心慌
所有关于爱你的迷惘
都让我一个人尝

Photos!!!!

Beautiful SceneryI like these two photos, looks like movie poster that tells a story of each character, if you look closely at each of our movement or expression :P

And this is "The Ring"..... ?
Fantastic Four VS The Zig Zag Monster
The Drama Queens...
and then....
and then....
Eat Dim Sum
First Day in our hotel room
My favourite.... desserts!!!!
One night in Hong kong

Little Tiger

Bee bought me this little tiger! So cute and innocent looking! :)

I bought the two little dinos when I was in Hong Kong.

I had enough!!!

Enough of myself! It's time to move on. You are right... no matter wat it is... no matter what happened... nothing will be changed for the time being. I can do whatever I want now. Nobody will stop me. It is all up to myself.

Had a really depressing week. Guess no matter who the winner is, we are already badly hurt after this battle. Had a frightening night, nightmare after nightmare. Couldn't wait to go online today to find out the meaning of those dreams. You might say I am superstitious, no I am not, just curious, but somehow, it's quite accurate. Those in pink are the interpretation.

First, I saw my auntie stood outside my room window, she was possessed and her body was glowing in lights, then the spirit wanted to possess me too. (To dream that you are possessed, represents your state of helplessness and not being in control of things.)

Later at my door steps, I saw huge rats eating up small mice, bloody scene. (To see rats in your dream, signifies feelings of doubts, guilt and/or envy. You are having unworthy thoughts that you are keeping to yourself but are eating you up inside. Alternatively, it denotes repulsion. To see mice in your dream, symbolizes domestic problems, business loss, deceit, and insincere friends. It represents minor problems in which you are spending too much time dwelling on. To dream that you or someone is eating mice, indicates that there is something that has been nagging your conscience and you need to get off your chest. )

And I received news of 3 friends die one after another, after we were back from travelling, total 8 of us. Then I was at a place full of washing machines, weird shape of washine machines, big and small. (To see or use a washing machine in your dream, suggests that you need to resolve past issues and old problems in order to make a clean start for yourself.)

And i have friends arrested, then I was trying to go down a stairs of ladder that the steps were so small, and then it drops all the way down till someone held my ladder below. (To dream that you are climbing down a ladder, suggests that you are escaping from your spiritual responsibilities. It is an indication of much disappointments. To dream that someone is holding a ladder for you, signifies that you will find success and rise to prominence with the support of others.)

And then I woke up... shivering. Couldn't go to work. So I am on medical leave today. And here writing...

My future lies on my own hand.

Still stucked in this...

sad and lonely world...

so empty....

10 years anniversary!!!

Aug 1997, I officially stepped out of the closet. What a good 10 years I been through, seen the best and the worst in this circle. Of course I knew that there are more to learn and experience in life. I am happy that it is the good people that I met over those 10 years, so lucky compared to a lot of other PLUs.

Lucky that I have these are good friends who are around me. Yesterday I went to Sentosa with my buddies. Really really enjoyed myself, played and laughed so hard! I wish we have more chances like this. I am looking forward already.

And thanks god, I met a really great guy who has a great loving heart, a guy who taught me the meaning of monogamous relationship and loyalty in love, shown me the ugly side of this circle, and most importantly, provided me the greatest love of all. Thank you Bee! By the way, glad that we are celebrating our 2nd anniversary this month too! :)

We are always hiding so many things in life, just for the sake of not wanting to hurt people's feeling, but ended up hurting ourselve more. I am glad that I decided not to hide my identity 10 years ago. And now, even some of my closest kins knew about me and they still love me as they used to be. No regrets already. I hope everybody around will be healthy and happy. I hope Bee will be healthy and happy forever. May our dreams come true soon.

Casual Sunday

Yes you were right Tom! There are lots we been thru after all these years, people we met, some still in our life, some are gone, there is a story for each. Friendship and Love is something that we cannot measure, 患难见真情, is the time we really see true faces. We all not young anymore, it is good to know we still have friends around us who we can talk out truly. You know these people will be around to hold you on when you are down. Something that money cannot buy. Priceless.

Everybody has a different character, it's that sparks that connect us together. I always believe that there are so many billions of people on this earth and we are fated to be friends or lover, we must not take each other for granted. I am still learning to appreciate people, learning to be true, to be sincere, honest with feelings. We do not know what will happen tomorrow, so I want to be expressive to my friends, to my family, my lover, to tell you I love you all in case I do not have chance anymore. Life is short, I do not want to waste it or have any regrets.

爱过知情重
醉过知酒浓
花开花谢终是空
缘份不停留像春风来又走

Maybe you guys will think I am too free to think of all these things, but I did list down my top ten friends you know. hahaha... You should know if you are in the list. But if you are not in top ten, maybe you are top 15 leh... hahaha...

Yeah!!! So excited we are finally going for the HK trip. First time with friends (without lover). Bee, although I wish you can come with me. Nevermind, I am looking forward to our dream trip, you promise that you will bring me to see Plum Blossom :)

A very pleasant surprise, I met my BMT buddy who I have lost touch so many years! Someone who I still truly respect, because he has given me so much support when I was so down during my BMT. Thank you buddy!

Love all those oldies songs from 凤飞飞，邓丽君. These are really songs that you wont get tired of listening and somemore so meaningful but humble. And it brings me lots of memories. I know I like to think... like you guys say I always 2046... sometimes its a good thing too you know. When I was down, I recall all the good memories, and it makes me smile, it reminds me to be positive and keeps me going.

Good Night

I love the weather tonight, so cooling, so december. Cool breeze blowing onto my face from my kitchen window, as if it is end of the year now.

It has been so long sinced I have a great and relaxing night. Lying lazily on the floor, watching one of my favourite dvds "Kate and Leopard". A very peaceful night to spend. Too bad I was feeling really sleepy after a long day work today, despite my laundry still in the washing machine, I have to switch off the tv half way through the show and took a short nap on my cozy and cooling bed. Fell asleep so quickly, when I still have a list of to-do-lists running through my head.

Most importantly, tonight you made me smile again, smiled deeply from my heart. Everything will be so perfect... if you were here tonight.

就向流星许个心愿, 让你知道我爱你

我要控制我自己

不会让谁看见我哭泣

装作漠不关心你

不愿想起你

怪自己没有勇气

心痛得无法呼吸

找不到你留下的痕迹

眼睁睁的看着你

却无能为力

任你消失在世界的尽头

找不到坚强的理由

再也感觉不到你的温柔

告诉我星空在那头

那里是否有尽头

Sisteration

Tonight was another nice little gathering. It has been so long since we have talked about introducing Justin and Irvin to Jackie, Thomas and Derrick. Still yet to meet out 3rd sister, Melvin. Finally to get to know each other last week. Yeah! Now we have more common friends. It was great! And of coz Mahjong kakis too...

It was a great night.Am looking forward to another great outing with you guys!

A little mood swing

Yesterday was all gloomy day... all started with my nuisance sms early in the morning. I was holding back already knowing that I will make you unhappy but I still cannot resist to send out that sms... just becoz of that "breathe" （咽不下的一口气）This time there is no argument, I guess like you said, we have been over this issue again and again. Already nothing to debate or comfort anymore. We both have our own point of view and for the rest of the day, it was silence.



All is back to normal today. The sun is out shining, rainbow after the rain. A nice surprise too, u sms me that you are back home after ur gym. hmm... u have not done that for a long long time. *happy*



If you notice, the weather these two days are the exact opposite from our mood :)

没有你的日子，200多天了。。。

When there is no expectation, no hope, there will be no disappointment. I already try to not look forward to anything. Living my days just to past time, losing interest in almost everything, hoping time will speed like rocket and back to the old happy days soon.

I want to say sorry to all my friends. I know you all care about me in every way. I love to spend my time with you guys because there is always laughter and happiness. But sometimes I really just want some time alone to think about things and not talk about anything. I know you all will understand.

【山口百恵～引退記念コンサート】

She is so glamorous!!!

Emotional

Guess it is because I like to put myself in the story of the song, that is why I am always so emotional when I listen to songs.

This is another of my favourite songs that always make me tears.

梦醒了

我想起你描述梦想天堂的样子
手指著远方画出一栋一栋房子
你傻笑的表情又那么诚实
所有的信任是从那一刻... 开始

你给我一个到那片天空的地址
只因为太高摔得我血流不止
带著伤口回到当初背叛的城市
唯一收容我的却是自己... 的影子

想跟著你一辈子... 至少这样的世界没有现实
想赖著你一辈子... 做你感情里最后一个天使

如果梦醒时还在一起
请容许我们相依为命
绚烂也许一时 平淡走完一世
是我选择你这样的男子

就怕梦醒时已分两地
谁也挽不回这分离
爱恨可以不分 责任可以不问
天亮了我还是不是... 你的女人

Pain

We are a couple, I can feel how frustrated you are. I feel the pain in you too but what is more painful here is knowing that I cannot help to stop all these that you are going through.

I failed to keep to my words to make you happy in the past few weeks and yet I added more stress to you by demanding for this and that. From today onwards, you will only see my happy face. I will let you have you time and space whenever you need it. It is really easier to say than do. I will do my duty :)

You have always told me, we will see the rainbow soon. I will look forward for this day to come soon :)

PLAY

Just came back from Play. Glad that everybody is home safely.

It has been about 9 months that I have not been to clubbing. It was fun to have everybody there. First of all, Tom and Jackie, hope you guys have a great anniversary celebration. Enjoy your stay at Conrad, I miss the times staying in the hotel too. so relax. Melvin, congratulations!!! So happy to know that you are attached. I wish to see you and Ivan celebrating your anniversaries in the years to come! Derrick, I hope you will feel better when you wake up. I know how you feel and that's why I hate drinking. Took lots of photos tonight, cant wait to see them.

Had diarrhea for the past three days and finally feeling better tonight. Though my stomach still bloated at times. Hope I will get well soon.

Time flies... people like us are all facing the same problem when we get older. Jackie, dun fear and dun think too much. If your family really finds out about you, face it bravely. Tell them the truth and I am sure they will accept you. If you deny it, your family might feel even more awkward in future. Let them help you. You are a family, they wont abandon you. Whatever it is, let nature takes it course. I am happy to know that you and Tom always wanted to share my unhappiness. I understand you care. Dun worry if I really facing some serious issue I will definitely consult you guys. For the time being, everything is still fine.

Bee, everything was great tonight except I really wish you were there with me. Holding me and dancing with me. I will look forward for that day to come again.

Wish all of you have a good rest.

I dunno....

I know you are very troubled too and I know you do not want things to be this way. It is all about survival.

I dunno whether it was right for me to tell you all these things tonight, but if I dun, who can I talk to?

I miss 旺旺

Leaving with you

I wish I could put down everything and leave with you right now... I am finding ways.

专属天使

我不会怪你 对我的伪装
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤

小小的手掌 厚厚的温暖
你总能平复我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想透过你的眼光
我才看见它原来在前方

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占

没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望

小小的手掌 大大的力量
我一定也会像你一样飞翔
你想去的地方 就是我的方向
有我保护 笑容尽管灿烂

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占

没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望

要不是你出现 我一定还在沉睡
绝望的以为 生命只有黑夜

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占

没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望

Broken Wings

Tonight I decided that I wanted to go out, but after I dressed up, I realised that I do not know where shall I be heading to.

I do not know what shall I do. I have no ability to control my emotions anymore.

Feel like an angel who has lost his power. Feel that I have lost my way...

so lost...

还记得那时你抱着我，对我唱的第一首歌，我永远不会忘记

缘份

不可不相信缘份
缘份象一扇爱情的门
是我一直走错门
还是里面的人不开门
究竟让我等多久
多久你才愿意告诉我
这缘份 是否终将为我等

缘份 缘份 只怕有缘没有份
左等 右等 只怕空等不开门 哦……
心疼 心疼 只怕有心没人疼
谁知命运会将你我怎么分

不可不相信缘份
缘份象一扇爱情的门
这扇门 是否终将为我等
这缘份 是否终将为我等

情债

I really couldn't control my tears everytime you sing me this song, Silly me.


如果我有勇气坦白 就不会这样的感慨
你的爱我是如此依赖 我的心你却不明白
虽然你是一个男人 总该有段未来
告诉世界有你存在
但我只是一个女人 需要一点关怀
安安定定在身边的爱

就算有再多的无奈 你也是看不出来
有人说寂寞是最难捱 你可曾为我而悲哀
其实身为一个女人 可以不必忍耐
等人来陪等人来爱
但我遇上你这男人 就像陷入大海
提也不起放也放不开

日子一天一天醒来 我一天一天徘徊 面对这份感情的债
当你一次一次走开 一次一次回来 好怕也会留下点伤害
日子一天一天醒来 我一天一天徘徊 面对这份感情的债
或许没有该与不该 无论爱与不爱 痛过的人自然会明白

Live your own life

Life is amazing... this world is amazing...

People want to find out the secret of the Universe... people want to know if there is another world outside... and that is why, we always wonder what our future is going to be... because we will never know what will happen tomorrow.

No matter how close we are to each other, no matter how much we need each other, ultimately, we will be left alone one day. We will be out of each other's life one day. Even a family living under the same roof, we are still difference in character, having different likings. We couldn't stop people from doing things we don't like them to do but we have the right to choose what we want to do. Of course, we should be mature enough to know what is right and what is wrong. Else, we would have to pay for the price. Ultimately, we have to be responsible for our own life.

Sometimes being alone can be a good preparation for tomorrow. We think things through, we learn to do our own things, planning to do things which we wanted to do all along, make full use of our time. Everybody has their own life and when we bother them too much they will get annoyed. This is the time when we really has to shut up and know where the limit is. No matter how close we are...

Life is beautiful, there are many things that we can focus on rather than cry over some spilled milk. So when we are hurt by someone we love, don't be sad. Because they do not mean to hurt us. It was probably the moment that we did not do the right thing at the right time. We have our moments too you know. So get on with our life... They will come back to show us love again.

This is life. In order to live happily, we need to find ways to be happy. When we are happy, we will be healthy.

Meaningful Day

For a long time, I have never made full use of my time like I did today.

I decided to sleep early last night so that I can wake up early and go for jogging in the morning. After that I accompanied mom to the skin doc and went for a hair cut right after that. This time, I really cut short my hair. Tho I know it doesnt suit me very much but I still love short hair. More sporty and fresh!

I joined my colleagues at Plaza Singapura in the afternoon for the Scrap Book class. It was really fun! Tho it was like the only men attending a cooking class, I am glad I learned something new. Now I have another skill to make gifts especially for my BEE. Well, guess you should know that the first project I did in class today will be made for BEE lor.

For more info: http://www.madewithlove.com.sg/

Bought a tee shirt for Justin and Irvin. Happy Birthday to you guys!!! And then I am having my dinner now while writing my blog. Real hungry and pampered myself with lots of nice food tonight. hee...

got to sleep soon as I am working 6am tomorrow. Cant wait to see BEE soon! Wish you guys have a good weekend too! (Whoever is reading) ;p

HAPPY EASTER

Tho I am not Christian, but I love Easter because there are lots of nice beautiful eggs especially supermarkets selling lots of Chocolate eggs. Yummy! I have been eating and eating non stop. Oops! Little worm's has his little tummy back! Too back I cant enjoy my public holiday as I have to work this weekend. However I think call volume will not be as much. Like today, not much calls especially from Hong Kong. Then I was told that many people are not working today because of Qing Ming Festival. No wonder.

I got back my Star Rookie Award! yeah! Well, like BEE has said, the only competitor is myself. In work, only to compete against myself in order to strive better result.

Back to my personal life. I seems to have lost interest in almost everything. I am not the guy who would go out shopping every time after work. Everyday after work I just want to go back home and play my computer games or watch the reality shows that I have downloaded. Partly i always have this on my mind that I do not want BEE to worry too much about me since he does not have much time to accompany me now. The best way is to stay at home. And I know he will be happy when he knows I am safe at home. Guess it becomes a habit now. Now I start to worry that I might become a person with no life. Well, guess I just wish to have you spending more time with me. I still look forward to go for cycling, spend a relaxing day at the beach watching sun set. Go for movie, karaoke... well, guess I am not no life afterall. :p

I have applied for a week's leave in August, that is during the week of our anniversary. I really wish we can spend lots of time together but I know you cant promise me. If really so that I will plan something for myself ba. Really hope to go for a short holiday.

Bought my favourite chocolate biscuit tonight... oh no... I am back to my eating habit again....

Story of the Handsome Rooster and Little Worm

It has been a fun and beautiful experience creating the story of "The Handsome Rooster and Little Worm". Like we have discussed, hope someday we can create this into a comic or even movie.

Life...

It has been three months plus since I have started work. It is getting more and more challenging as I start to learn more things. Of coz the most crucial part is to balance between a good customer service person and good sales person. Due to the high volume of calls, careless mistakes occurred. Today, I lost half of the total commission that I earned last week. Hard earn money, now I really feel the pinch. Last week, I put in the most effort. I was really disheartened. Anyway, it is good to learn these lessons to prevent more critical mistakes in future.

Many people around fallen sick, bee also. Hope he recover fast. I felt really dried up these few days. Even my colleagues said I look stone. Guess I have to make full use of my three days off this weekend to recharge myself. But... what should I do?

My little Dino

Thank you very much! I can feel that you made so much effort today to make me feel good again. Thank you for all your encouragement and assurance. Without you, there is no more motivation in my life anymore.

Like I have told you, I am very lucky to have found someone who wants to take care of me for the rest of my life. I am willing to take care of you too! :)

Love you till death.

I am still feeling lonely...

and empty....

Why haven't you make any effort to see me???

Like you, I do not like to hide feelings too but by doing so it does help to prevent unhappiness in many circumtances.

I feel like crying but I couldn't...

feeling so so so lonely tonight...

This is a night that I dun wish to be left alone but I am....

These are memories I will NEVER forget...

Miss the make-up studio (that moment I met you)

Miss Episode 2

Miss Studio 6

Miss 501, 503, 507, 603, 604

Miss that first hug... that moment seems forever

Miss Albert Court

Miss that car ride

Miss that black & white carrot cakes

Miss "Yuan Fen"

Miss marking territory

Miss "Ai Ni"

Miss YOU

Thank you Superman

I love this.

"

Lois Lane...

Could I have found my Lois Lane?... I think about you the moment I wake up. I worry if you have eaten your meals on time, happy to hear your voice even if it's a short while and smile everytime I receive your messages.

If I could, I would fly you up to the sky, enjoy the silence from above and feel your heart beat calmly in my embrace while we fly from horizons to horizons. I will never let you fall, I will never let anything hurt you. I want to protect you. I want to spend everyday with you, I want to grow with you. I want you and only you.

You mean the world to me. I can and I will give up anything for you... If only you knew. "

Unbreak your heart

Dearest Baybee,

I have never let you down by seeing other guys behind you and I am not going to hurt you by doing so in Future. I experienced alot in my past 8 years in this circle. I could only say, enough is enough. I do not want anything in the past to happen again. The only reason is because I truly love you. As much as I do not want to be hurt, I do not want to hurt you. We already have each other's heart in us, dont ever steal it back, it'll be much more painful than piercing a sharp knife into our body.

Anybody who read this blog is a witness to our love.

I understand this is the crucial period. Trust is very very important. I never forget "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" So I am not going to believe what people is going to tell me about you.

Sorry if I added stress on you. Any unhappy comments from me do not apply on you. Really. I just do not like those people, even if they are innocent. But dun worry la, I just talk it out to feel better. I wish you can be successful one day.

Your last sms really touches my heart. Thank you BEE.

You light up my life

My dearest baybee, thank you for walking life with me through all the thicks and thins. Hope this new year, our bond will be even stronger. Sometimes I really feel that our hearts are connected as we do think alike at times. Like people said, as a couple been together for long, they are connected to each other in thinking. So let's keep walking on and never let each other go.

I love you always....hek!!!

I will always love you

I thought I will not be bothered by this at all but I am absolutely wrong. I am feel very stressful. Really am. Teach me how to relax. Teach me how to get over this tough time. Teach me how to handle all these. Teach me how to take things easy. I can only write down my feelings here. I am very stressful. Everyday the same thoughts and struggles go through my mind over and over again. Guess I know why gay people want to commit suicide.

I want to get out of this circle. Gay relationship to all these people are full of shit. Why can't people stay loyal to their partner? Why can't people just be satisfied? Why not just remain single and stop hurting anyone? Maybe these are my retributions. Guess I am really lucky that I can find a loyal partner like you.

I really dun want to give my parents false hope by letting them feel that I'm straight.

I really wish I can look better so people will feel that we are a perfect match.

I really wish to see you as much as I want to. I really wish to. Guess for this moment of time, this is wishful thinking.

I don't want it to end this way

I always wish that both our families can have a little gathering. My wish was granted tonight but it turned out to be a miserable one. I know you and your parents will blame me for my stupid suggestion. I really am feeling very very very bad. I just want a happy family that's all.

I know you wont want to be disturbed now. Hope you rest well tonight.

I miss you very very very much :(

Hope to see you soon.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR

For the first time in my life, I did not spend my night infront of the tv watching chinese new year countdown program. It's quite a rollercoaster ride for me tonight. Guess I hate knowing the fact that there is another person in your life right now. I wish life is much more simpler.

BEE, thank you for all your assurance. I will wait for fate to prove that we have a good life ahead.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Leave me alone

I just wanna be alone tonight. I just want to isolate myself. I'm freaking tired of everything in this world. Dun ever ask me why.

Post Reunion Dinner

Tonight's dinner ended quite early compared to past years. Doesnt seems as bad as I think. Seems like I was the one who talked the most.

Wanted to take a nap after dinner but din want to put my phone to discreet in case BEE calls. Ended up I was awoken by all the new year greetings sms every few mintues. Now I feel even more tired.

Reunion Dinner

Everything is set, food are all ready. Just waiting to start dinner.

Once again, it is the time of the year, reunion dinner, the most uneasy moment of the year for me. Because I am eating with my family, people who really do not know me. They do not know who I really am. As usual, Mom will spend half the day cooking, the other half preparing new year stuff, and ended up soooooo tired. Dad, will go temple before midnight, and these few years mom expect me to follow him there, because I'm grown up. And I hate the journey, because Dad and I really do not have much to talk about. Of course I cant leave out our beloved auntie, who do nothing throughout the year, and do nothing much during new year reunion dinner, except giving all her naive and unproductive ideas and irrelevant chit chat topic. I wish Sis and Family can be here, so all the attention will be diverted to my cute niece and nephew.

I am so so so moody. I have been thinking of BEE, miss you so much. I only wish to be with you, that's all. Probably a reunion dinner I look forward is with BEE's Parents and My Parents and both of us, eating happily.

I guess this wont be happening in the near future, or maybe not at all.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to whoever reading this blog. Wish you happy and healthy throughout the year! :)

Lunar New Year Eve

Today is consider the last day in the chinese calender. As usual, all the shops will operate half day. Left BEE's hse after a good lunch that BEE bought me, went for haircut. Feeling better now.

As usual, helped mom with the praying stuff, burning of joss paper, preparation for reunion dinner. As age catches up, really do not have the mood to celebrate chinese new year especially when family size reduces since sis got married. Then first day of new year have to drag ourselve to visit some relatives, everyone will ask the same questions. So fake. This year, I did not shop for any new year clothings at all. Anyway I have the cute lion dance tee that BEE bought me from Thailand. Still have a pair of jeans and shoes that is totally new, also bought by BEE. Second day of new year got to work.

Really looking forward to the day BEE and I have our own home. I believe we will be so much happier than our current situation. :)

Depression mode

I fear....

I might lose the battle

I fear....

I might lose you to this material world

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY BEE

My Dearest Bee,

I really really appreciate you spending time with me on all my off days. We have been creating memorable histories in our relationship. You made me realised and experienced what treasuring each other means. I am so fortunate to have you in my life and thank you for always protecting me like a real man. I need you so much and I just cant live a day without you. Be assured that I would never want to take back my heart from you and I will keep yours safe and well protected with me.

Please treasure all the things I have made for you, every single one of them consists of my true love, sincerity and most importantly, with exchange for many hours of sleep to complete. Knowing you well, I know you will keep them properly. If one day when I am not in this world anymore, they are still around to keep you company. Of coz I do not want this to happen as I want to be living with you till the end of time. Remember our promise that we will go for a body check up together ok? We'll plan this soon, for the good of our future. If we do not take good care of our health, why shall we bother to work so hard going through this tough time?

Till the next time we meet, promise you take good care of yourself.

I LOVE YOU MY VALENTINE! :)

Can't get enough of YOU

It was another happy day together with you. Really really wish we had more time to spend together. But I guess even if we had one whole day it won't be enough too.

Today you asked me to compare you and my ex. Although by default, I definitely will say I enjoy your company more. But honestly honestly honestly, YOU are still the correct answer. I have no doubt we can get along really well together (as a couple), even if we have different hobbies and lifestyle. Comparing to the past, I can feel that you really trust me now and are not faking it. It is your little worries of whether anybody cruises me and safety of me crossing the road that makes me feel so warm inside.

You know recently I have been feeling so empty on days when you are not around me. My heart feels heavy. But you made it all up when I am with you. I can tell you are making effort to make me feel good. Thank you BEE. I hope we can keep this energy till we grow old.

You know I am so afraid of losing you. Looking forward to the day when we can see Light again.

Catch a star

1st Feb.... so fast, it's already the second month of the new year. And one more month left my probation will be over. Work has been good, this company definitely encorages us to play hard too. Today the company just celebrated with those whose birthday is in Jan and Feb. That including mine.

Maybe it sounds kinda contradicting but this week, time seems to pass slowly. Maybe becoz I was feeling tired most of the time. Worse, my waistline has been expanding. I better watch out.

Tonight is so windy. It brings me to the mood again. Wish I am standing on top of the hill, with my baybee, enjoying the cold breeze. It makes me feel like running away with my baybee, to somewhere far far away. Away from all the hypocrites, away from all these colourful lifestyle. Just live a simple life, just the two of us. Maybe Bee cant, becoz he gets tired of things easily. If he faces me everyday, he'll be so bored and sleepy, one day he might just run away from me.

Dunno when will I be able to travel again.

Havent been to the cinema.... think the last time was in Nov.

Dunno what the future will be like.... Of coz I'm hoping things to turn out well, on the other hand, I'm so afraid of all the false hopes in life again. Even tho ppl say, no hope, no disappointment. But then, without dreams, what is the meaning of life? Contradicting!

Hate waiting without deadline.

Sneeze

Everytime I sneezed today, my right lung feel pain. Dunno why... Now still feeling abit uncomfortable. Is it becoz I seldom exercise lately?

Clubbing or Me?

You chose clubbing, guess you don't miss me that much after all :'(

Dedicate this song to you BEE

BEE, I finally found a song that can represent my feelings to you. Every word in this song is true from my heart. Love you BEE! :)

谁 改变了我的世界
没有方向 没有日夜
我看着天 这一刻在想你
是否会 对我一样思念
你 曾说我们有一个梦
等到那天 我们来实现
我望着天 在心中默默念
下一秒 你出现在眼前
想念的心 装满的都是你
我的钢琴 弹奏的都是你
我的日记 写满的都是你的名
才发现 又另一个黎明
这是我 对你爱的累积

3G Video Call

Today I finally upgraded my sim card to a 3G sim card. Yeah! Bee video called me tonight. So amazing, there is a bit lapse but very clear. I was so happy that I kept smiling at bee, speechless. His smile was so bright and charming! And He looks so wonderful and adorable. He kept telling me "you are the best". I guess not many ppl can understand what we are going thru. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise, "this" actually makes us to bond tighter and stronger.

Hope we can have our own little home soon.

鬼丈夫

Some love stories have happy endings, and they live happily ever after.

Some does not, but their hearts are never apart.


“一月梅花迎风颤二月风筝线儿断飘零零，三月桃花随水转

忽匆匆，四月枇杷未黄我欲对镜心意乱

五月石榴如火偏遇阵阵冷雨浇花端

六月伏天人人摇扇我心寒

七月半烧香秉烛问苍天

八月中秋月圆人不圆重九登高看孤雁

十依栏杆百声叹千言万语说不完”



“一片痴心二地相望下笔三四字泪已五六行

但求七夕鹊桥会八方神明负鸳鸯九泉底下十徘徊，

奈何桥上恨正长

肠百折，愁千缕，万般无奈把心伤”

Bloody bad mood

It sucks big time! Not you, just some ppl, their mentality and behaviour, made me feel so disgusted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

是这样吗？

与其说 我执著 , 不如说 是怀念

不如不见

Fell in love with this song right away.
Seems like a very beautiful sad story.

头沾湿 无可避免 伦敦总依恋雨点
乘早机 忍耐着呵欠 完全为见你一面
寻得到 尘封小店
回不到 相恋那天
灵气大概早被污梁 谁为了生活不变

越渴望见面然后发现 中间隔着那十年
我想见的笑脸 只有怀念
不懂 怎么在聊天
像我在往日还未抽烟 不知你怎么变迁
似等了一百年 忽然明白
即使在见面 成熟的表演
不如不见

Am I rebellious?

Last night you said, you realised I was abit more rebellious lately, you thought it was my new job that made me this way. I was very very sad. Realised that I could hold my tears better this time. During these period, I kept reminding myself that the time we are able to spend together was much restricted and I have to treasure every moment to be happy moments. I was doing my very best to get rid of my bad habit of being rebellious. Can't you tell I am really doing my best in every way. If you do notice, how often have I talk back to you lately?

If it was between my conversation with Rich, and you felt that I was being bitchy. Please do open up your ears and listen, I was defending myself and my parents in every reasonable way. You will be able to tell who is talking ridiculously. Sometimes I really hate involving in conversations that are full of rubbish and lies.

I'm not happy....

Because BEE is not happy :'(

Hope I can make BEE happy tomorrow....

Scared

Just talked to you over the phone... for a few minutes. I can hear that you sounded abit impatience, bothered, restless. I'm scared, not of you. Just scared that I'll make you angry. I dunno how I can make you feel better. I wish I can do much more than making you laugh. I hate life being so unfair. Why bad people are living so well off and good people are suffering......

.......

Guess I'm in the mode of blaming again. I was told that What we are today are what we have done in the past. What we do today will make us to be our future. Cause and effect. Guess we have to be responsible of our own act.

Let's wish for a better tomorrow.

Life...

After work today, I realised I have been in the office working for nearly 12 hrs (I only stepped out to buy lunch + eat, less than 30mins). Even though, I enjoyed what I am doing. Plus the environment is friendly, my colleagues keep telling me not to stay late and go home. Everywhere you go you see smiles. Unlike my first job, nobody cares to say Hi to you. Everybody works until there is no tomorrow. It was scary.

Tonight I paid my credit card bill, scary amount. I really have to start budgeting real well. For the good of my future. First thing on my list is to cut down my phone bill by half. I know for the mean time, I could do nothing to help BEE. Feeling really useless that I'm only starting up at this age and with NO savings. I know it is no point talking abt all these. Only way is to be optimisstic and work hard. I just want BEE to know that I am not making use of work to play and fool around. I will also not be hoping for "One step reach sky". I learned not to be greedy after seeing ppl around me failed. Most importantly, I will also not give you up for whatever reason, to the extend even if my family threatens me. They will only risk losing me.

Your love is the only energy that keeps me going on and on.

Chinese Calender Birthday!

How forgetful I am! I just realised that yesterday was my Chinese calender Birthday and Friday was BEE's chinese calender birthday! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!! hahahaha

New Chapter in Life

wow.. it has been quite sometime I havent update my blog liao. Quite busy la. Well... just a recap.

7 days since I'm 32 year old. wow... finally felt that age really catching up. I guess time flies when you are happy. Everything has been going well, I am happy in my new job and I believe I will go far with this company. I have agreed to join the "wow team" and already working on my first task liao. Hope it'll be a fun and fruitful journey ahead.

Of coz, my BEE is the best thing that happens in my entire life. From every action and words of him, I feel so protected and loved. Maybe it is also the situation that we are in, we see the importance of treasuring each other. Life is short, if we are so particular of everything, how can we be happy? Of coz, Trust is very important too. Had a great time last Sat night, my birthday eve. Finally after so long, can spend a good long night at the hotel with my BEE again. Actually I love this hotel, Holiday Inn the Atrium. We stayed on the 25th floor, such a lovely night view at the city and some sea view. I love sight seeing, cloud and star gazing, view watching, especially night view. I can really spend time sitting there, enjoying the quiet moments, watching the world moves. Of coz, as usual, we ate non stop. My tummy is getting bigger again.. need to watch out. Especially now my job requires me to sit all day. Plus I'm happy, I eat.

In my life now, there is only one thing I am praying hard for. Is my BEE's health. Though he promise he'll take care and see doc, until the day he really goes for a good check up, my mind will never rest in peace. Especially when he has been constantly complaining abt some pain in his body. Today I just found out from a good friend that she has chronic kidney disease for almost a year and has been taking medication everyday since. Good thing is she went for check up early else if not, it'll be worse. She agrees with me that ppl who are full of negative thoughts, the negative energy will turn into sickness. That is why she is always very optimistic, which is very good. Near my birthday last year my best friend Yin has lost her long battle with cancer and left us. She was only 30. I will never forget her strong and positive attitude. If she is still here, I want to give her a good hug. If I am going to list down my top ten best friends, yes she is sure in the list. BEE, you know I care and I love you so much, keep to our promise that we'll walk our life journey together till the end of time ok?

Today I went karaoke with my good sisters. Had a really great time. You know what, I realised my job did help alot in my singing. Guess by talking so much on the phone everyday, I'm actually training my breathing too... today my singing improved so much. I felt that my stemina is back, I have more power. Yeah!

Fell in love with this song.

〈最近〉李圣杰

你最近不说话，怎么了，为什么，是不是有什么事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单，有点乱，有点慌，可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要得，我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的，却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合，也不想认输，好几次，我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释，这样的一切，都只是开始
我觉得是，所有的一切，早就已结束
不想再约束，不要在痛苦，下一次会有更好的情路

The first time I heard it, my tears just fell. I guess the lyrics says everything. BEE, I know this song does not just apply to me but you too. I know you are not happy, you are suffering much more than me. I am sad that I couldnt help you in your career and you have to go through all these sufferings to climb your way up. But these days will be over soon, I'm willing to wait as long as I'm your priority in your life. I know it is hell for you. I promise you, that every moment you spend with me, it will be laughter and happiness. OK? After karaoke we went Thai express for dinner. I ordered my favourite Honey Chicken Rice... hmmm.... yummy! Thinking of it, I'm hungry again. Then we went Coffee club for chit chat. They say I'm crazy woman. haha... I am, especially with ppl I'm comfortable with, I'll be a joker, making a fool out of myself to make ppl laugh. Talking craps, cracking stupid jokes. It is just natural. haha... Jackie and Thomas bought me a nice shirt from SpringField, a brand that I love. Yeah, got new shirt for work again. hmm.. will plan to buy one more pants for work. All my other pants cant really fit liao... my waist line is expanding fast!!! aaarrrgggghhhh... Half the weekend gone already, looking forward to spend my sunday with my BEE. Next week I only have one day off. Starting my shift work soon. Really have to rest well.

Till then... :)

Happy New Year!!!

It's a whole new year!!! Happy 2007!!! This will be a much better for BEE and ME. Got to work on 2nd Jan when everybody is enjoying their public holiday. Had a great time on new year eve, my company dinner and dance. My first dinner and dance leh! Won a hotel complimentary stay in Kuala Lumpur for Best Dress 1st runner up. So happy! Thank you for those who voted me.

Actually, has been really busy with work this week, becoz most of my colleagues are on leave and not enough manpower. That's why have to accumulate all my follow up work till end of the day when I have to take at least an hour to clear them before heading home. Night time will be busy "making" my BEE present. I'm sure he'll love it. Hope I can get it done before this sat! Looking forward to it very much! Afterall, the last time I really spent a good time with him at the hotel was 5 months ago.

hmm... better get back to "work" else I cant sleep early and will have not enough rest for work liao.

:)